Gimme Gimme

Love.

a strong word.
a feeling.
a comfort.
a heartache.
something worth fighting for.
a journey to hell and back.

a promise.


I want to know what love is.

I'm not talking about the family and friend love that you say with a hello or good bye.
I'm talking about the love that gets you through the worst days and the kind of love you cannot live without.

I believe we all have a someone. The problem is the meeting. Should you find them? Or should you wait? The thoughts of what he might look like and how he would act would run through my head when I was little. Would he be funny? awkward? handsome? only attractive to me? fat? skinny?
What I am thinking now is that looks don't matter. Only one thing matters. love. I imagine it is made of the little things. A glance, a touch, the constant thought of the other.
When you have love, there is no hesitation. You shouldn't have to think about it. You just know.
I want that. and I want it bad.

My day of snow.

Wonderful.
Just Wonderful.

Let me tell you my story on snowday.
So I woke up feeling like I just wanted to go to sleep, like every morning of my life, and did the usual: take 20 minutes to pick out the outfit for school and 3 minutes to actually get dressed and hair and such. I go downstairs to soak my ear in solution because of my piercing, and notice there is no coffee made. END OF THE WORLD.
Make coffee. Look outside.
I just thought " Is it hailing outside? or is it snowing? I should text Jody. even though I know he's sleeping( muhaha)"
Mom calls " BLYTHE IT'S SNOWING "
by this time I figured it out. It's snowing. YESSSS IT'S SNOWING !!! WHITE PRE-CHRISTMASS!
As you can imagine, I was just oozing with excitement.
By this time I realized that I was still going to have to go take my exam. Therapy exam to be exact.
So I went to my car and was like " ohh it's just snow, this'll be great!"
OH NO MY FRIEND.
Come to find out, my car defroster isn't in the best of conditions after 13 years of working.
People were running red lights because they could not see. Swerving to the extreme.
I finally arrive at Loyola with my hair covered in snow and soaked to the bone because blythe had the brilliant to wear cotton ( I never get to wear sweat pants like the normal college person so for that day, I just decided I was wearing fucking sweatpants).
By the time I was done with my exam, I was somewhat dry, leaking from my nose, and coughing like a chain smoker. Purrrrrrrfect.
So of course I was crabby the rest of the day when my friends wanted to play in the snow. I am sorry friends. real sorry.

Other matters:



I AM DONE FOR A MONTH BITCHES!!

Change

People change, I understand that.
Believe me, I do.

I am having trouble finding words because How can you be mad at someone for changing, when you, yourself have changed.

People change for the better.
People change for the worst.

Change can be brought upon by peer influence, something major happenning in one's life, or even to impress someone. But then sometimes denial steps in. Denial of changing " I haven't changed. What are you talking about?"
I will talk from my own personal experience.
I was someone who was shy and insecure and very much alone. At the same time, I had the most friends, I was involved at school, and 3 guys liked me.( that was big for elementary school)
I would find myself hoping to be alone and wishing people would just go away because if I talked to them, what would I say? I didn't know how to create conversation. I was not outgoing, there was nothing special there. There were always people who were better. People who had created a name for themselves. I was not one of them.
Then highschool happenned. This was my chance. This was my chance to be someone who created a name for herself. Someone people knew. Thats when I changed. I became someone who created conversation, had a lunch table, did well in school, and gave effort. I became outgoing. That was something to be proud of.
I now find myself in a limbo.
I am shy with people I have never met. But when I am with people who are my friends, I am crazy. It's a mix of starting new again and not knowing what to do. I don't have a plan this time.
I like plans, no I love plans.
Plans keep things in order and undercontrol. You just follow the plans and everything turns out well. I don't have a plan to run by anymore and that scares me.
But everything will turn out ok.
Everything is fine.

right?

You a Dumb Bitch

Thank you, Jody for that lovely title.

Onward with the blog.

I am now taking the time to tell you all about the title of my blog and why I chose it.
Not in the Cards-

So I have read other blogs and they have REALLY cool names. real cool. Therefore, I am going with the trend. I typed in "unexpected" in the search engine for dictionary.com. It came up with this sort of response:
unexpected- not expecting something
blah blah blah

synonymns: not in the cards, blah blahblah

I immediately thought " well that sounds legit." It seems like people can read me really well because I wear my heart on my sleeve. Which can be a good thing and a bad thing. BUT people do not know what I will do next. Get it? UNEXPECTED? I am slightly unexpected? synonymoniuos ( I don't believe that's a word) with NOT IN THE CARDS.
tah dah!


SECOND TITLE
and you thought singing was easy..... -

I have recently stumbled upon the fact that singing is hard.
Singing is hard.
I used to believe, before I came to Loyola, that I was good at singing and because I was good at it would be easy in college. OH contrare, my friend.
Singing entails having a good voice, writing in journals, technique, breathe, outlook, and stage presensce. Wait it gets better.....
You have to think of ALL of that shit while singing the actual song.
They say it becomes second nature once you get used to it. You would think after 4 years you would know the nature of singing. OH NO. NOPE.
Do you want to know what the weird thing is though?
I love it. I love memorizing my songs. I love practicing. I love seeing progress and that is what I am learning right now.
I love it.
I love SINGING.

As they say in Voice,


fine.

INTRO

Alas! I have my own blog.

warning: I can not write.
I am not good at puncuation or spelling.

but: I am very entertaining.

I can be deep, ditzy, funny, serious, among other things.

So now it begins.

Today I turned on my radio, which I never do because recently Jody has openned my eyes to the wonderful world of music theater. Yes the works: Legally Blonde, Avenue Q, The Last Five Years, The Wedding Singer and bunches more. Anyway, my old Jam, as some of you might know, came on. The jam ( drum roll) was " This is Why I'm Hot." As I recognized the lyrics " I'm hot cause I'm fly you aint cuz you not" I just had the urge to yell out THIS IS MY FUCKING JAM!
As I listened to the rest of the song, I accepted the stares of the other drivers in the car next to me. 1. the old lady probablly thinking " That child is simply out of her mind" while she is holding up the people behind her because the red light has now turned green. 2. The couple- their faces just said it all. If you could imagine a face that says " oh my god, how does she do that?" that would be the look I got.
It is amazing how much a song can do. I started to think of the good times I had with one of my old friends during that one song. Turns out my good friend ( who I thought was my best friend) now ignores me and doesn't want anything to do with me. People change. I got it. I have changed myself. But I can't help the fact that I miss her. I miss her so much. I miss the pee on yourself laughter, the ghetto car rides, and the deep talks. Even though I feel all of this stuff, I am happy that she doesn't talk to me anymore because now I have friends who are hilarious, outgoing, and they listen. That arguement I had with her led me to where I am now. "I wouldn't change a thing if I wanted to. And I do not." - Legally Blonde.