irks?

I don't know if it's me or what because my emotions are out of wack but ..

Right now I am feeling out of place, like I don't belong and for some reason I expect it. I'm not in on the talk or the stories, I'm not there when action goes down. I'm out of the loop.
I get mad for no reason.
I'm mad and confused because everyone else around me is happy or doing something with their life. They're going places.
I feel like I'm in a limbo and in need of something to pull me out of the fog.
My music is calling to me but I'm too busy and don't have time to create what I was meant for.
yes, I know I have friends, but I feel like I don't have anyone to lean on, I don't have a constant. People fade in and out of focus. For example, one moment your so close and intimate and the next time you see them, you get a high five.
I don't understand you anymore. I don't know everything about you and I don't want to because you deserve your privacy. Everything you said before means nothing, you change your mind like the weather and you always think you're right. Don't worry, it will be fine. You'll never read this anyway.
I am not different, our more outgoing than I was before college. I still look at the ground when I walk because I think it will just cancel out the people around me looking at me with my head phones in and singing to myself.
These days I get annoyed by my family because they are always at my house eating our food and leaving a mess. That irks me. I should probablly be nicer to them.
I should probablly be in a better mood and be nicer to people but frankly, I just don't give a flying fuck.
I'm tired of trying to put myself out there or put effort into conversation. People should accept me because of me, not because I smile a lot.