A dull ache

I don't want to hear about your past relationships.

I don't want to hear about your relationship with my dad.

I don't want to hear about you current relationship with your husband.

Because I can't handle it.

I think you are a selfish person who just didn't give enough. You say that you just couldn't do it anymore, that you didn't have the strength or the will power to follow through. But you had enough will power to cheat. For that, you are weak.

If only you would have had enough to stay with dad for Glenn and I.

If you would have given that extra effort my life would be different.

Couples don't realize how much a divorce affects a child. Parents just think that because they can't stand each other anymore means that because they are fine the kid will be. Wrong. That divorce changed my life. The divorce came with overwhelming feelings of sadness, shame, and anger plaguing me for years. It's like a dull ache that is always there; your mind is elsewhere but you are constantly reminded of the ache. I'm sick of the the feeling that it was my fault and that maybe if I wasn't such a handful, it might have been easier for them. I'm sick of wondering about what real love looks like. Every relationship in my family has ended with divorce; there are no examples to learn from.

I keep asking myself " How will I know he is the one?" " Is there such thing as the one?" I know there is no such thing as love in a fairy tale or love in the movies. I hope it's better.

Love is about knowing one another and being friends as well as feeling a connection. Love is about getting in fights and knowing all sides of a person because you would rather fight to keep them than give up and let them go.

I don't know everything about love, but I'm willing to learn.

Lessons Learned

1. Do not make a promise with out the intention of keeping it.
2. If someone has hurt you in the past, they will hurt you again.
3. Don't walk outside when you think it's going to rain because chances are, it's going to rain.
4. Get over it, it's done, there is no need to look back on it.
5. Don't regret anything in your past because if you made the decision, there was a good reason for making it.
6. Things happen that are unexpected so expect it.
7. It's okay to have a closed heart sometimes. Only the ones you love and adore should see the real you.
8. It is possible to walk out your emotions even if it means your feet hurt.
9. Parts of your life may come to a halt, but life goes on.

I know some people won't agree with these lessons, but hey, everyone takes things differently.